With the baby moving more, finding out that we’re having a girl, and more random strangers outright assuming that the growing bulge in my midsection is a baby, this pregnancy has become more and more real.
And this has been scary, at times.
At times, and in the course of the day when I’m just attending to my everyday responsibilities as a mom, wife, and human being, I’ll get any of the above reminders and that will send in the chain of “I’m-really-really-not-ready” thoughts, thoughts like:
She (Nya) isn’t potty trained. I haven’t even read anything on potty training? Should I have by this point? What about a big girl bed? Do we need one? Is she ready” What about strollers? Will we sell our old ones? What about the nighttime routine? What if my husband works late and I’m stuck pulling double duty? Two girls. What if they (the two girls) develop a sibling rivalry? How will I find the time to write? What if I can’t write anymore? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Like distracting background music in an elevator filled with people carrying on their own conversations, these thoughts go on and on, or until something more pressing comes up like Nya putting the leftovers from her lunch in the air vent, using her boogers to “paint” the walls,” or something along those lines.
These thoughts are the reason for the urgency in my voice when talking to my husband about where we should be in terms of preparing for this baby.
“Do you get that in a few months, we’re having another baby?!?” I would say amidst, often, an unrelated conversation on something else, something like a cable bill or whether I put gas in the SUV.
To this, I get a pause, shocked facial expression then an, “Uhhh. Yeah. What’s there to worry about?”
“What’s there to worry about?!?” WE’RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!” I’d say to him and the rest of universe who, it seemed, wasn’t panicking along with me.
These thoughts, these frustrating conversations with my husband, have increased in the past few weeks, but, at the moment, I feel at ease.
Yes, at the moment, as in the moment that I am writing this, I feel at ease with the thought that in a few months (I’ll be 24 weeks on this Thursday) a new baby will be joining our family and that we will, as we have in the past 16 months, make things work.
In these next months, I like to believe that we’ll have a stroller, have figured out what to do about Nya’s sleeping arrangements and potty training, but we may not, and that’s okay.
At this point, or in this moment, that which is keeping me sane is focusing most on my day-to-day reality and doing what I can for the future when I can.
This past weekend, we began looking at baby names and narrowing down the list of possible double strollers. These are just small steps, but we’re getting there, slowly, but surely.
What things did you do (or are you doing, if you’re now pregnant) to prepare for baby #2? How was your preparation for #2 different from #1?